9 a.m. – Wake up
9:15 a.m. – Read NewsMax on the Internets
9:30 a.m. – Apply for extension of unemployment
9:45 a.m. – Apply for disability insurance
10 a.m. – Watch Fox News, yell “Get a job!” at video of minorities
10:30 a.m. – Call local Congressman’s office and ask for help
10:45 a.m. – Get in SUV, drive two blocks to Burger King and talk on cell phone while driving erratically.
11 a.m. – Order “Big Fatty” breakfast, scream obscenities when told breakfast service ended at 10:30 a.m.
11:15 – Yell at attendant while talking on cell phone and texting.
11:20 a.m. – Keep talking on cell phone while shoving Double Whopper with Cheese in fat face while stuffing chocolate milkshake down throat
11:30 a.m. – Arrive at home.
Noon – Log on to email, read Fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: messages proving Obama was born in Kenya and another one “proving” healthcare reform is a socialist plot that can be overturned by the Constitution.
11:40 a.m. – Forward the Fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: emails to 5 more contacts
Noon – Watch more Fox News
1 p.m. – Eat 2 bags of chips, take nap
2 p.m. – Call Congressman’s office again, beg for help
2:30 p.m. – Sign online petition claiming “I want my country back!”
3 p.m. – Drive four blocks in SUV to local park for Tea Party Rally
4 p.m. – Borrow “grass roots” sign made in China provided by insurance ompanies with photo of Obama as a Nazi claiming healthcare is a socialist plot
4:30 – Yell at passing cars with minorities “Get a job!”
5 p.m. – Watch Fox News, get angry
6 p.m. – Order pizza with double cheese and extra sausage
6:30 p.m. – Fail to tip delivery person because you think he’s a lazy immigrant
7-10 p.m. – Watch Fox News, yell “Right On” every 10 minutes, get even angrier.
“While We Were Sleeping”
Orwell Rolls In His Grave, featuring MCM – Buy the DVD
About News From Underground
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